Saying goodbye isn't easy. And it isn't supposed to be. When we open our hearts to people, whether they're friends, mentors, teachers or family members, we become vulnerable. It took me a long time and a lot of loss to realize that vulnerability is a beautiful thing. It's beautiful because it's only when we're vulnerable that we can truly, truly connect with others in meaningful ways, and those connections are what life is all about.
This past year has been one of indescribable loss. One of the beloved cousins I grew up with, Andrew, committed suicide in March. In June I had to say goodbye to my beloved Chelsea. In October one of my friends from university passed away from lung disease. Our university program was limited enrollment so we were a pretty tight knit group. We were shocked to lose our dear Richard and kicking ourselves for not making good on our plans to get together this last summer. One of our friends wasn't able to make the planned reunion so we held off, wanting everyone to be there, and eventually planning fell by the wayside, as it too often does.
Late last night I learned of the passing of another friend, Mary Podgorski. I was pretty fragile when I met Mary, which was around the same time I met the other people I consider to be my spiritual family. Vulnerability is not something I've ever been very comfortable with, but I was so raw at that time it was impossible to put up a front. Whatever reservations I had about being so open about my wounds were quickly put to rest. Mary was a kind, gentle soul and she treated my tender heart with absolute care and compassion. Mary taught me that it's ok to be vulnerable. She impacted my life in such a positive, meaningful way. I said to a friend "I can't believe that she's no longer in this world, filling it with her grace, her beauty, her kindness and compassion". But here's the thing... she is. She left her mark on everyone who knew her. I dare say that everyone she met was better for having known her. That is an amazing legacy, and it will never die. We can take what we learned from Mary and hold it close to our hearts, and as long as we do that she will always, always be with us. When we do something kind or pass what Mary has taught us on to someone else, Mary lives on that way too.
When you let someone in to your heart it changes you, even if the change is subtle, it's there. We're all creating our legacies with every interaction, even those which seem insignificant. Last night as I was thinking of everyone I cared about that I had to say goodbye to this year, I realized that I'm grieving those people because they touched my life, and that only happened because I let them in. So yes, vulnerability is a beautiful thing, and there is sadness in having to let those people go. But if this sadness is the "price of admission" for surrounding myself with such wonderful people, it's a price I'd gladly pay again. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't go back and keep the people I've lost at arm's length. I'm grateful I was able to connect with the people I've lost in such a beautiful, meaningful way. Being vulnerable is what allowed me to form those connections, and those connections are what life is all about.
Part of me wonders when the next shoe will drop. Saying goodbye is inevitable in this life. But I've realized that even though it hurts to say goodbye, my heart, my spirit, and my life are so much richer for all the times I've allowed myself to say "hello" with an open heart.
Thank you Mary. I'll always keep you, and everything you taught me, very close to my heart. xo
This past year has been one of indescribable loss. One of the beloved cousins I grew up with, Andrew, committed suicide in March. In June I had to say goodbye to my beloved Chelsea. In October one of my friends from university passed away from lung disease. Our university program was limited enrollment so we were a pretty tight knit group. We were shocked to lose our dear Richard and kicking ourselves for not making good on our plans to get together this last summer. One of our friends wasn't able to make the planned reunion so we held off, wanting everyone to be there, and eventually planning fell by the wayside, as it too often does.
Late last night I learned of the passing of another friend, Mary Podgorski. I was pretty fragile when I met Mary, which was around the same time I met the other people I consider to be my spiritual family. Vulnerability is not something I've ever been very comfortable with, but I was so raw at that time it was impossible to put up a front. Whatever reservations I had about being so open about my wounds were quickly put to rest. Mary was a kind, gentle soul and she treated my tender heart with absolute care and compassion. Mary taught me that it's ok to be vulnerable. She impacted my life in such a positive, meaningful way. I said to a friend "I can't believe that she's no longer in this world, filling it with her grace, her beauty, her kindness and compassion". But here's the thing... she is. She left her mark on everyone who knew her. I dare say that everyone she met was better for having known her. That is an amazing legacy, and it will never die. We can take what we learned from Mary and hold it close to our hearts, and as long as we do that she will always, always be with us. When we do something kind or pass what Mary has taught us on to someone else, Mary lives on that way too.
When you let someone in to your heart it changes you, even if the change is subtle, it's there. We're all creating our legacies with every interaction, even those which seem insignificant. Last night as I was thinking of everyone I cared about that I had to say goodbye to this year, I realized that I'm grieving those people because they touched my life, and that only happened because I let them in. So yes, vulnerability is a beautiful thing, and there is sadness in having to let those people go. But if this sadness is the "price of admission" for surrounding myself with such wonderful people, it's a price I'd gladly pay again. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't go back and keep the people I've lost at arm's length. I'm grateful I was able to connect with the people I've lost in such a beautiful, meaningful way. Being vulnerable is what allowed me to form those connections, and those connections are what life is all about.
Part of me wonders when the next shoe will drop. Saying goodbye is inevitable in this life. But I've realized that even though it hurts to say goodbye, my heart, my spirit, and my life are so much richer for all the times I've allowed myself to say "hello" with an open heart.
Thank you Mary. I'll always keep you, and everything you taught me, very close to my heart. xo
No comments:
Post a Comment